Not only is carrying around all that anger or even stress bad for your health, but it also scares men away. Seek out therapy and retrain your brain to relax, let go, and be happier. It can be done and there are numerous different techniques that can help you put yourself into a good mental space. After you have worked on yourself for awhile, then you will be ready to head out into the dating scene. Like, OMG. Are you trying to be someone you are not. You like to wear jeans and a t-shirt.
The number attad to that really doesn't make a difference.
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It really is just a number. When the two people can find common ground and love regardless of that number, then it becomes about the relationship.
Not the mathematics of dating an older man.